Friday, 31 December 2010

On Writing


A big part of what i love about writing in here is that there's no pressure about posting something. No deadlines, no worries about having to please someone. Just the freedom of using this space as a place to let it all go, to write down my thoughts, worries, desires, sometimes write down my soul or my daily ramblings... and it never gets too personal to the verge of sharing my life as some reality show. it is just me, written down, still a puzzle and a land waiting to be discovered.

I guess that's the true essence of writing, at least for me. Writing is not describing to every detail the facts of a life, it is just writing small pieces leaving a great part to the imagination of the reader, that's what all of this is about, creating, collectively. I dislike the kind of texts that are too descriptive to the verge of making a perfect map of something, I like to leave something to the imagination, let you ramble about the colors of the dress, let you make a picture in your mind.

Ironically, my life splits between writing and taking photographs. According to what i just said, some writings are photographs, just in letters. Well I like photographs, but real ones, not in letters. A photograph still leaves lots to imagination, yes you see it, we all see it but we can make up a story from what we are watching, and it is wonderful. There's no big difference between a writer and a good photographer if it can touch you with his or her work. For me it is really good if what they do works as a gym for your neurones or your spirit.

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Hell of a year

Ok, time to look back. Will post what was worth it, the rest is not necessary.

Family's fine. It is great to call a year that didn't have much drama and got us together again, just like the old days. :)

Friends are worth it. One of the best things of this year was to share lots of beautiful things with my small troop: Diana, Chrys, Andrés, Sofi, Iván, Adri and Bárbara. You guys rock, you guys are awesome and I love you.

I have to make a special mention to Federico, in spite of it all, you're a great person and you've given me so much, I'm glad you're my friend, over all, in spite of everything.

Work. Lots of it. I feel fine in this aspect, got to learn so much, met new people, tried lots of things, found out what I do not want to become in my career, discovered new opportunities, opened new doors, closed some others and got to get all I wanted.

I like getting what I want, it encourages me to do bigger things, no matter what the other people think or say, I do what I want. I guess that's the main purpose on 2011, keep on doing what I please.

2010 was hell of a year.

Saturday, 25 December 2010

Exorcising exercise #1

I love Christmas day, it is beautiful, it is far better than Christmas eve. I practically do nothing today, I just think and stay in silence most of the time, as if keeping the turmoil of thoughts that I hold inside would help me to figure out life. And it does. Same goes to New year's day. These two days I keep myself from the world and think, some lucid thoughts appear and I write them down; today I will share a feeling I had today, as an exercise to let the 2010 out and I hope to do this more often.

I was watching this movie, The Holiday. Didn't have much expectations about it, but I did because I like to prove myself that I can watch a movie I don't want to and not let it pass without giving it a chance. Well, after watching it and shedding lots of tears (I practically cried myself out the whole movie from the introduction to the ending titles) I discovered that I relate a lot to one of the characters: Iris.

You should watch the movie, I won't tell you what it is about, but it is wonderful, it got me from the first lines she said in the beginning, lines that touched sensible fibers deep down in my black heart, lines I want to share with you:

I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind".
Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space!
Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.
I always expect a happy ending. I'm perfectly aware of the fact that it is NOT possible and that I'm a stupid dreamer. This tie all I ask for is to have, at least, a moment of revelation and of pure joy like the one Iris had when Jasper went to L.A to visit her. (Now you got to watch the movie to find out what it all is about). Is all I ask for, to finally let it all go.

Saturday, 4 December 2010

Blame the writer's block

Absolutely hate this situation I'm going through. I don't want to write, I just find myself completely lazy about it. I'm even lazy about writing this down but I made myself promise that I wouldn't let lazyness win the battle and here I am.

I guess it has to do with an episode of writer's block related to the fact that I already write too much at work and get home tired about seeing letters all around. Probably.
It also has to do that I've got so many ideas and still can't find the way to write them down so people don't start judging and misunderstanding them. Impossible.
or maybe it is that I lost practice and I don't dare to admit it. True.

I guess those three things make me feel lazy about writing, I want to bring back my musical blog, without pretentious ideas, I just want because I like to write down my impressions on music, not because I consider myself a guru. If I was a guru, I wouldn't be here sharing my thoughts. That's another thing that stops me from writing. People take TOO seriously the things you say. To that I answer: man, you gotta be kidding. People can say anything they want, you can share your opinion, discuss and all that stuff but don't give it such relevance to a post in a blog, go on with your life and let the world be. There's always an option: close the window, unfollow or just stop reading and skip such "annoying" post.

Back to the topic of this post: writing. yeah i want to write, share lots of stuff I have in my delicious account, discuss with you on life and stupid things such as Justin Bieber or anything like that. I hope I get the impulse on writing my neurones down.

shit you don't need

I'm tired. probably because I need to let it all out from time to time and get rid of all the shit accumulated from past months. December is the perfect time to do so.

Lately I've felt uncomfortable, with people, with the places I normally visit (real and virtual ones). I feel intoxicated by this city and all I can think is running away from it all, try to escape. practically the motivations of my life, at this moment are all focused on change: change of career, change of people around me, change of city... because I'm not happy.

Also, there is something that upsets me but I won't share that here because I don't think it is the proper place and will let that out in a different way. In the end, this year was great, full of challenges, lessons and growth and all of those things let me to this point: I'm ready to take a big step, make a big change. So, that's why 2011 has to be a tough year but in the end, must be filled with satisfactions for me. I don't like to sound this optimistic, but it all is conspiring for me to make it and I won't let you or anyone bring me down just because I don't need nobody's approval (just as I looked for months ago).

I don't need somebody else's shit, it is enough with life, I guess that's the big lesson. I guess I'm happy, it is just that I'm not comfortable dealing with certain things that started to affect me and dealing with that is such a process... I might be ok in a week or two.

(got carried away and changed the topic in the end, get used to it).

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